It's time to start packing my things. I can't believe I am getting ready to pack to leave London...seriously? I do not want to leave at all. There are comforts of home that I miss of course but here I feel like I am living a dream. It's even not about where I am physically. Although it is great place to be, I am more discontent with leaving the warm people I've met and the grind that has helped me see deeper into the stylist and woman I am. This place has literally given me a new sense of life, a new sense of purpose as it pertains to my passion and a new sense of who I am - closer to who I actually see myself as. I was reading an article by my girl Kierra Lanice on the process of finding yourself and the journey it takes to do so. Read the blog "XXiV".This post resonated with me on such a deep level. At that time I was struggling to meet the requirements of the class and I felt it was more than I was prepared for. But each and every time I felt that way something inside me refused to fail. Refused to give up. I am more focused and determined than ever. I know without a doubt I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The journey to even get to London was not easy but I had such tunnel vision on going to THIS specific school, that I ensured that was what I would do.
It wasn't until July (just a little over a month before the course started) that I decided I had to make a way. I had to leave behind all my little jobs consequently leaving me unsure of how I would make rent the entire time I was living abroad. I was abroad willing to manage with no job, on a budget. Most people assume because I am here living and enjoying myself that means I have ample money and not a care in the world. Yea, at LCS there were no scholarships or dorms or common housing! I had to work 50+ hours a week to save money, take out stacks of loans that I never wanted to take out and used my car as a means to get to London. Just a week before my flight out, that car was totalled in an accident I was not at fault for.
I felt so discouraged. My body was in pain, my teeth had been shifted slightly, I felt like I almost broke my face/nose. When I finally freed myself from that wreck of a car and stood on the side of the highway and I just balled. I was crying for my life that had been spared, for the car I had just lost and what this could mean for my journey. I made it out of that car alive and I said this will not defeat me. I have a passion, a purpose and a plan. That's all I needed. I went back to work as normal just 2 days later. Gotta stack this money to get myself to where I need to be! I barely had time to let my body heal before I came to London and I still gave 110% to this journey to better myself.
The scary part is not knowing what is next. I try not to dwell on that and just live in this moment. Accepting that I got this far - I did that! The very things I wished and prayed for came to pass. For all these reasons I am not ready to leave this chapter. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to even add this to my story. I came to London miles away from home all by myself to prove something to only myself! I had many weak moments while I was here for reasons outside of myself and I am prepared to say that I feel stronger. To hear it from other people just affirms it. A friend I met here wanted to take me on a ride on a moped and I said I was scared. He says how can you be scared? You are a brave woman. You came to this place, this far, for this long all by yourself. You are not afraid. I am not afraid. I am here to conquer myself and inspire others to do the same.
I have met so many wonderful people from ALL over. It makes me so happy to say these people have opened my eyes and my heart. If nothing else I have learned you cannot judge a book by its cover. People are complex and being here I see people who have experienced life in many different parts of the world and cultured beyond my small American lifestyle. I met a guy who spoke 6 different languages and wasn't including the little Spanish and French he knew! I am so inspired to travel, learn and just feed myself with life experience! I went to freaking Paris by myself! These will be some of the best memories. It has truly been the "Eat. Pray. Love." journey I always wanted...minus the man but "you don't need a man you need a champion"